I wake up in the morning and plan my day in my head and usually by the end of the day I’ve done nothing except come up with reasons to not do the things I need to.
if i ever become famous i’m going to create a fake account on twitter and tumblr and be part of my own fandom and i will be like bffs with my fans and we’ll fangirl over myself but they would have no idea it’s me
and then one day i would call them on skype and see the blood run out of their faces
omg yes i so would
(Source: hellyeahnikita)
if you want to kill someone stab them with an icicle because the icicle will melt and then there will be no murder weapon
(Source: katorade27)
What if instead of having sirens ambulances just played move bitch get out the way by ludacris
i have 3 moods:
- skips every song on my ipod
- lets the music play without interruption
- plays the same song on repeat for days
okay so today I was at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too
but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time
and then another person fell
and another
and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu fainting mob and a lot of people were shouting
and the girl who’d originally fallen looked so fucking happy
you know what’s cool
when you’re so used to a certain person’s voice that you can imagine them saying anything even if the person has never said that before
it breaks my heart knowing that i will never receive a blowjob
what the fuck why do so many people think they will never receive a blowjob
Because we have vaginas
(Source: punchingshins)
all i do is sit around and eat and be sad im basically a more annoying version of a plant
sometimes i’m drinking something and i can feel it spilling on me but i just keep drinking because i don’t care about anything anymore
(Source: clubpenguln)
hey this is normal shit
FUCKING ANGRY SHIT
this is whispering shit
THIS IS SERIOUS SHIT
scared to say things shitfucking pay attention shit
I hope I wasn’t the only one who read this in different voices.